“Whatever is mine is theirs.” That’s what Genevieve King, a relationship anarchist who lives in Berlin, means when she speaks. She’s not making a vague remark about sharing a meal bill or paying for a friend to take a taxi. She’s expressing a revolutionary, shared attitude toward money and assets that’s quietly transforming the way polyamorous and alternative families manage everything from mortgages to children.
If you’re used to the old-school idea that love and money are a two-person game, buckle up because in polyamorous networks,
resource sharing isn’t just about cash, it’s about building a safety net for your entire chosen family
. King’s accounts and assets are in her name, but her polycule a web of partners, friends, and their partners operates on a principle of mutual aid. “If somebody needs anything, I see what I can do to help. Even if I’m not close to them, if they’re in my extended network, we tend to rally, and pool our resources, to lift up anybody that might need it,” King explained to The Telegraph. The outcome? A feeling of security that goes deeper than any shared bank account.
This is more than being magnanimous for the sake of it. It’s an intentional, ethical position based in the relationship anarchy philosophy, which, as both critics and supporters note, is one of community, of cooperation, and of not prioritizing romantic couples above all else. “Relationship anarchism then, to me, means community. A community of two or of many. A community that rejects the ‘rules’ of relationships… and of the idea that we need a romantic or sexual relationship to be complete,” queeranarchism blogger writes.
So how does this manifest in the nitty-gritty of home, property, and parenting? For one, forget about the notion that mortgages or leases should be shared only between romantic partners. King, for instance, is in the process of house-hunting now and intends to purchase a home in her own name but with the goal of making room for a changing subset of her polycule to cohabitate. The setup is flexible she’s sometimes living with her legal spouse, sometimes on the road, sometimes with partners or friends in residence. This flexibility is a long way from the quaint “commune” stereotype; it’s closer to the organic, living web that shifts as individuals’ needs evolve.
But with flexibility comes the necessity of structure particularly around legal and financial safeguards. As increasingly polyamorous families are purchasing homes together or having children,
cohabitation agreements and legal mechanisms become necessary tools
. According to estate planning professionals, such contracts can detail everything from what ownership each party has in a home, to how bills are split, to what happens if someone needs to leave the group or if the group breaks up. In California and other states, cohabiting couples can even sign enforceable contracts that create rights and responsibilities essentially a prenup for your entire household.
And what about raising children in a polyamorous household? The math becomes even more complicated. AJ England, a London relationship anarchist, has co-parented three children with two different partners and broader family. Sometimes that’s meant ad-hoc arrangements such as spending alternate weeks in separate houses or depending on the financial backing of partners’ families. Other times, it’s sharing skills and work: Two of my current partners… have recently been involved in my work running wellness gatherings in my garden, building a sauna and other practical tasks. So there’s been money crossing hands there, England said.
It’s peer support that’s the foundation of these networks, particularly when life gets curveballed. When England lost her income after England struggled with cancer treatment, her friends and partners rallied to lend money and practical assistance. “
If I ever needed anything financially, my partners have my back
,” she says. This is a common thread with findings from Dr. Elisabeth Sheff’s long-term studies, where children within polyamorous households have been found to thrive with multiple adults to offer care, attention, and resources a real-life embodiment of “it takes a village.”
Naturally, the law is still playing catch-up. In most states, only two parents can be named on a birth certificate, and co-parenting contracts are not necessarily as legally binding as traditional custody arrangements. That’s why polyamorous parents are using second-parent adoptions, guardianship documents, and careful written contracts to ensure everyone’s rights are covered and expectations are made clear. These documents can detail everything from monetary assistance to scheduling of visits, so that all caregivers biological or otherwise have an established place within a child’s life.
When it comes to household finances, digital tools are making it easier than ever to manage shared expenses. Apps like Splitwise or Honeydue can help track who paid for what, while collaborative budgeting platforms allow everyone in a multi-person household to see the big picture and plan for future goals.
Transparency and regular check-ins are key
whether you’re splitting rent, saving for a group vacation, or just figuring out who’s buying groceries this week.
And although the logistics may be tricky, the emotional reward is enormous. My friends are my family, so it’s easy for me to give my time and knowledge, says England. “The exchanges that happen may be practical, it may be emotional support, financial support, shared business ventures, shared time. But it’s connection and care at the centre of it all.”
For relationship anarchists and polyamorous folks, the message is straightforward:
there isn’t one-size-fits-all solution, but with a sense of mutual aid, legal acumen, and open communication, it is possible to construct financial and family arrangements as resilient and flexible as the relationships are themselves
. The new rules are emerging, and in its place, a new type of chosen family thrives one spreadsheet, group message, and heart-to-heart at a time.
