If romance once centered on love, Gen Z is increasingly placing the spotlight on bank balances.
That is what Dr. Eliza Filby, an expert in generational change, has spotted. After years spent closely examining the evolving life cycle, Filby says that the financial dynamics of modern relationships have changed dramatically—driven by the widening gulf between those who can rely on the ‘bank of mom and dad’ for financial support, and those who cannot.
“Wealth is becoming more important in marriage,” Filby, who is based in London, England, told
Trixpoint
. “It is the merging of two banks of mom and dad.
“It is the merging of dynasties.”
Filby, whose 2024 bestseller
Inheritocracy: It’s Time to Talk About the Bank of Mum and Dad
explores the rise of intergenerational wealth as the new engine of social mobility, said that the U.S. is well on its way to becoming what she deems an “inheritocracy.”
In this new socioeconomic model, it is not degrees, diligence or drive that determine opportunity, but family money and support—often unspoken, rarely acknowledged, and quietly decisive.
While we once believed in a meritocracy, the idea that education and hard work would naturally lead to prosperity, Filby said that times are changing.
“The reality is that life chances and opportunities are no longer shaped by what we learn or earn, but by whether we have access to the bank of mom and dad,” she added.
That bank is no longer just parents feeling compelled to help their children out financially every now and then. Filby said how much people stand to inherit or benefit financially from relatives is now a serious marker of wealth, a trigger for a widening wealth gap, and has a direct hand in the general economy.
Filby added that the bank of mom and dad is one of the most-influential forces in a young person’s life, particularly in the U.S., where trillions are transferred from
parents to adult children
annually through gifts, property and inheritance.
And this socioeconomic reset is changing how Gen Z think about love, stability and even who they choose to spend their lives with.
Inheritocracy in America
Filby’s “inheritocracy” functions as the stark opposite of a meritocracy, being a system in which “family wealth—not individual merit—is driving opportunity.”
It is not a new concept that the wealthy have advantages and tend to give their nearest and dearest a leg-up, Filby said. What is new, however, is the size and reach of these advantages, and how they are reshaping societal milestones, particularly for younger millennials and Gen Z.
“This is the first time in modern history where you need parental help just to become an adult,” Filby said. “That pathway into adulthood—leaving home, becoming financially independent, getting married, having kids—it is now so expensive that most young people cannot do it without family support.”
Indeed, a 2018 study by Legal & General ranked the bank of mom and dad as the seventh-largest mortgage lender in the U.S. While it is not a traditional financial institution, its influence on American homeownership is comparable to major banks such as
Bank of America
, Chase, or Wells Fargo.
“We see similar trends in the U.K,” Filby said. “It’s a bit different in Europe because of their rental culture, but the impact—especially around housing—is phenomenal.”
In 2024, a Redfin-commissioned survey conducted by Qualtrics found that more than a third of young U.S. homebuyers expect to receive some kind of family assistance when it comes to purchasing property. Among Gen Z, a year earlier, 78 percent received help with a down payment, with most Gen Zers polled stating that the money came from their parents.
The result, Filby concluded, will be a society increasingly stratified not by hard work, merit or education, but by inheritance and intergenerational wealth. The kind that could potentially block those without an inheritance, wealth-related opportunities or financial support, from succeeding despite major efforts to break down class barriers in past decades.
The Marriage Market Meets Jane Austen
Filby’s most-provocative claim is not just about social class—it is about courtship.
“Financial compatibility has always played a role in who we marry, but now it’s more explicit,” she said. “It used to be education that defined who partnered with whom in many cases—graduates married graduates.
“Before that, women would often marry up economically, but now, wealth is increasingly what defines a ‘good match.'”
The phenomenon is not about gold-digging, Filby said. It is about Gen Z reacting realistically to a broken economic promise. Millennials, those born between 1981 and 1996, were told to follow their passions, get a degree, and build a stable life.
“But they eventually found that, even with a degree, you could end up back at home, unable to buy a house,” Filby said, “And so Gen Z took note.”
She added: “Gen Z sees work more transactionally as a result; they do not buy into the same narrative that work equals fulfillment and they are looking for multiple streams of revenue. They are also looking for a partner who brings them that stability.”
In that sense, dating has taken on a more-practical tone, with financial status moving closer to the forefront.
This shift echoes a return to a Jane Austen-style marriage market, Filby said, one where wealth—especially inherited wealth—is central. The family home, once symbolic of independence, is now a collaborative venture between romantic partners and their respective parents.
“We are seeing something akin to a Jane Austen scenario,” Filby said. “Parents are more involved in their adult children’s relationships than at any time since the 19th century—because they are stakeholders.
“They have helped with the house deposit, the wedding, sometimes even the child care,” the expert added.
This involvement may also be influencing another trend: a decline in divorce rates among wealthier couples.
“If there is more financial capital invested in a marriage—not just between the couple, but by both families—there is more at stake,” Filby added. “Prenups are on the rise, and not just for the ultrarich.”
Love: Adjusted for Inflation
For Gen Z, who were born between the late 1990s and early 2010s, the economic milestones associated with adulthood—buying a home, starting a family, building wealth—have become increasingly unattainable through wages alone.
Instead, they have become increasingly dependent on their parents’, and in some cases even their grandparents’, wealth to establish a sense of financial security.
“This is the first generation that has grown up watching their older siblings and millennial peers do everything ‘right’—earn a degree, follow their passion, get a job—and still not be able to buy a home or afford child care,” Filby said. “So, Gen Z tend to be
more pragmatic
.”
The implications are profound, and, according to Filby, financial compatibility is eclipsing education and, in some cases, even emotional connection as a determining factor in who people want to date.
“It is not about marrying a guy in finance; it is about marrying the guy whose dad is in finance,” Filby said, in a nod to the 2024 ‘looking for a man in finance’ social-media trend.
The Rise of Quiet Luxury
Filby said that, for women in particular, this changing attitude toward love and money is entangled with new forms of both empowerment and constraint.
“Historically, family wealth went to the son,” she said. “Now, daughters are just as likely to inherit—and many are outearning their male peers, especially in cities, but they are also careful not to marry into downward mobility.
“There is a growing emphasis on financial parity in relationships,” Filby added.
The result? A rise in “quiet luxury,” a trend Filby interprets as the aesthetic expression of inherited wealth. Gen Z, a generation who are inheriting their status more than building it, helped usher in the fashion trend through their fixation.
“It’s a fashion consequence of inheritocracy,” Filby said. “New money wears logos and old money does not.
“Gen Z are adopting quiet luxury—even if they do not actually have any old money—because they aspire to the aesthetics of generational wealth.”
Filby said it is no coincidence that “old-money” influencers, or creatives promoting a more-conservative lifestyle, are booming on platforms like
Instagram
and
TikTok
, and that people had been “looking for a man in finance” to viral lengths last year. She added that this cultural nostalgia for aristocratic norms is only growing.
Filby’s deeper concern? That an inheritocracy produces inequality under the guise of tradition.
“The problem is not inheritance per se,” she said, acknowledging that many parents find it natural to help their children financially. The problem is when inheritance becomes the only route to stability.”
Staying Close to Home
The inheritocracy is not just affecting Gen Z’s romantic decisions—it is also shaping where and how young people live.
“We are seeing less geographic migration as a result of this too,” Filby said. “Young people are staying closer to their families—not just for financial support but increasingly because they are obliged to provide eldercare.”
As our life expectancies increase, our parents end up living longer, often with expensive, chronic health conditions that need round the clock care.
“The wealth has trickled down—but now the care has to go back up,” she said. “We are entering an age of multigenerational homes, not just out of necessity, but expectation.”
This reciprocity is modeled in many Asian cultures, where adult children routinely care for aging parents. But in the West, especially in more individualistic societies like the U.S., the cultural norms are still catching up.
“The question is: Will the generation that’s benefited from their parents’ wealth now provide care in return?” Filby asked.
Lifting Taboos
Despite the growing importance of family money and how Filby’s inheritocracy is set to rock the personal finance landscape, few people openly discuss it.
“There is a huge taboo around being the beneficiary of generational wealth,” Filby said, “especially among high-earning men.
“It threatens the myth of being self-made.”
Filby has also uncovered a marked gender difference in her research: Women are more willing to acknowledge any parental help received, while men—especially those earning over $100,000—tend to avoid the topic.
“And the most uncomfortable scenario? Being reliant on your in-laws,” she said. “That is still a real source of shame.”
This silence obscures the scale of the phenomenon, and Filby said she worries that it may stop people from talking openly about the
bank of mom and dad
in the future.
“People do not realize how much the bank of mom and dad lubricates the economy,” she said. “It is not just about housing; it is child care, education, health care—even holidays.
“The
Taylor Swift
Eras Tour was effectively a multi-billion-dollar event bankrolled by parents!” Filby added.
There is no doubt that inheritance has always existed, as have generous parents who have had the funds to lend a helping hand, but the sheer amount of wealth possessed by the baby-boomer generation is what Filby thinks we should be paying the closest attention to.
In a phenomenon that has been deemed the
‘Great Wealth Transfer,’
and that is set to transpire over the next two decades, an estimated $68 to $84 trillion is expected to leave the hands of baby boomers and find ownership under their descendants.
“They amassed huge housing, pension and savings assets, and as they have seen their children struggle post-2008, that wealth has trickled down—first as gifts, then eventually as inheritance,” Filby said. “This is really a system where family wealth—not individual merit—is driving opportunity.”
Filby’s fascination with the inheritocracy came from a personal experience that opened her eyes to its existence.
Though she once identified as working class due to past markers of success; if her parents were college-educated, had a certain type of accent or had fancy jobs, Filby came to see that her own upward mobility was quietly
fueled by family luck
.
Her relatives had acquired property in London decades earlier, some of it by chance, which later allowed her to live rent-free in the British capital—a privilege that gave her time and space to pursue work she loved and date without financial urgency.
Observing peers who lacked that cushion, Filby saw firsthand how family wealth—or the lack of it—could fast-track or hinder adulthood.
To add to her present concerns, the new class divide does not just surround those with some wealth to pass down, but also many middle- and working-class families who are now expected to support their adult children into their 30s. In a culture that still tries to champion the American dream, the looming presence of an inheritocracy poses uncomfortable questions.
“This is not just about inequality,” Filby said. “It is about fairness; I mean, what happens to those without access to family wealth?
“Do we really want to live in a society where opportunity is only available to the already-privileged?”
Filby does not offer easy answers—but she said that the conversation needs to start.
“We are not going to fix this by condemning inheritances,” she added. “But we do need to make inheritance matter less.
“That means rethinking our economic model—how we tax wealth, how we structure education and housing, and how we level the playing field so that everyone has the opportunity to live a comfortable and happy life.”
Until then, the next generation will likely not just be marrying for love. They will be marrying for liquidity, too.
Do you have a monetary dilemma? Let us know via life@Trixpoint. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on
Trixpoint
.
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