In many Mexican households, a seemingly stable phase begins to wobble when the husband enters what is known as “middle age.” It’s common for men around 45 to start questioning aspects of their lives, especially their marriage. It’s not necessarily a dramatic crisis or something that happens overnight, but rather a silent transformation that develops over time. Many women wonder:
“Why now? And what is he looking for that he doesn’t have here?”
This article aims to explain, in everyday and respectful language, some of the reasons behind this decision, without judgment, but understanding a reality that is becoming more visible.
A Moment of Personal Change
At 45, many men go through a phase of reviewing their personal history. It’s a time when they realize that several of their best years have passed in their professional life or raising children, and a sort of balance begins between what they’ve achieved and what they still want to experience. It’s not uncommon for them to feel that routine has absorbed them or that the role of provider has limited them personally. Sometimes they feel like they’re on autopilot, meeting family, social, and work expectations, without time to think about what they really want to do moving forward.
The Need to Feel Valued and Useful
Another factor is the desire to feel important and relevant. Many men at this age experience doubts about their role in the family, especially when the children are teenagers or young adults who require less attention. Feeling that they are no longer as needed at home, they may start looking for spaces where they feel heard, considered, and recognized. This doesn’t always mean there are serious problems in the marriage; sometimes it’s simply that their emotional needs have changed and they haven’t known how to express it.
The Desire to Do Things They Postponed
Many husbands reaching this age say they have “unfinished business.” Perhaps they dreamed of starting a business, learning something new, traveling more, or reconnecting with friends they left behind. The desire to live different experiences, to try new paths, becomes very strong. And while this doesn’t necessarily have to lead to a divorce, some men see in that separation the possibility of starting over or reviving dreams they shelved for years.
Routine as a Wear Factor
The daily grind can be heavy. Between work, household responsibilities, family, and social commitments, sometimes marriage takes a back seat. Many couples fall into a routine where there are no shared spaces, personal conversations, or moments to laugh or simply be together. In that environment, some men may start to feel more like roommates than spouses, leading them to question if they want to continue like this for the rest of their lives.
Not Everyone Wants to Leave
It’s important to clarify that not all 45-year-old men want to divorce or seek new adventures. Many face the same questions but decide to strengthen their relationship, seek support, or talk honestly about their concerns. There are also those who feel fear or sadness at the idea of separation. Therefore, there is no single answer or exact formula: each story has its nuances, emotions, and decisions.
Expert Opinions on the Subject
1. Dr. Ana María Olabuenaga, sociologist specializing in family dynamics:
“Many men at 45 experience a kind of ‘life evaluation.’ It’s not about selfishness, but a need to understand if they are where they want to be. The cultural environment and social pressure also influence this search for something different.”
2. Dr. José Antonio Lozano, clinical psychologist and couples counselor:
“At that age, men tend to question everything. Routine, identity, purpose. If they haven’t developed emotional tools to face these changes, the easiest thing seems to be to run away and start over.”
3. Mtra. Beatriz Infante, couples therapist and speaker:
“The problem is not the age or the marriage, but the lack of spaces to talk about what they feel. Many times they don’t even know what they want, they just know they don’t want to stay the same.”
