Your child seemingly went from crying over their first birthday smash cake to blowing out 18 candles, flying the coup and perhaps starting a family of their own in the blink of an eye. While it can feel like just yesterday that you were holding their cute, tiny hands as they crossed the street, one mental health expert stresses it’s crucial to understand how to
navigate a relationship with an adult child
without being overbearing.
“Understanding how relationships change as your child becomes an adult is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive connection,” says
Joseph Kivett
, a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner with
Mindpath Health
. “Accepting the natural shift that occurs when your child inevitably becomes an adult helps to prevent conflict, resentment and over-dependence while encouraging your child’s growth and autonomy.”
In that sense, your job as a parent isn’t “over,” but it has changed. Kivett shares seven ways to
maintain your close connection
with an adult child—and even improve it—without being “too much.”
Related:
The 2 Most Obvious Signs of an Unhealthy Parent-Adult-Child Relationship
How To Stay Close With Your Adult Child Without Being Overbearing: 7 Best Ways
1.
Be curious
Curiosity isn’t just for the titular character in
Curious George
books you and your adult child once tore through at bedtime.
“Curiosity shows respect and interest without control, fostering openness in the relationship,” Kivett explains.
He suggests asking questions to understand—but not direct—an adult child’s experience.
“Their world is different from the one you grew up in, and they are navigating it as a separate person with their own values, goals and challenges,” he adds.
Related:
18 Phrases To Use With Your Adult Kids That Will Transform Your Relationship, According to Psychologists
2.
Remain nonjudgmental
It was hard to watch your toddler walk into a wall, and it can be even more challenging to see an adult child make a choice you think will come back to haunt them, like getting engaged to the “wrong” person or choosing a job you feel is a “dead-end.” Kivett suggests zipping your lips.
“Resist the urge to fix or criticize,” he advises. “Allowing your child the space to learn through trial and error supports identity development and resilience. Your acceptance helps them feel safe coming to you, even when things go wrong.”
3.
Stay open
Your child has evolved, and it’s important to be open to learning new things about them.
“Holding onto outdated views of who they ‘used to be’ can feel invalidating,” Kivett explains. “Embrace who they are becoming instead of defining them by the past. This allows them to feel seen and respected for their evolving self.”
4.
Keep it consistent
Experts, such as pediatricians, often recommend consistency in things like bedtime routines and boundaries. However, the need for consistency doesn’t go away when a child becomes an adult.
“Avoid swinging between over-involvement and absence,” Kivett says. “Inconsistency can breed confusion or resentment. Instead, be clear and reliable in the type and amount of support you’re comfortable offering. This builds trust and prevents enabling or creating unrealistic expectations.”
Related:
8 Habits To Start With Your Adult Kids That Will Transform Your Relationship, According to Psychologists
5.
Embrace your own life
Believe it or not, doing your own thing apart from your role as a parent can bring you closer to an adult child.
“Now is the time to invest in your own growth—explore hobbies, deepen friendships, nurture your relationship or pursue career goals,” Kivett emphasizes. “Not only is this fulfilling for you, but it also models for your child that life is rich and meaningful beyond the parenting role.”
Related:
9 Outdated Relationship Dynamics Family Therapists Are Begging Parents To Stop Doing With Their Adult Kids
6.
Be direct
You don’t
always
have to “zip it.” There’s a time and a place for speaking up—and a best practice.
“If you’re worried, speak up honestly and respectfully,” Kivett says. “Share your concerns without assuming authority or entitlement. This helps you stay connected without crossing boundaries, showing that you trust their ability to make decisions while still being available for support.”
7.
Listen
Kivett shares that adult children need more than sage advice.
“Your child needs to feel understood first,” he says. “Listening deeply builds trust and reduces resistance to input. Advice is more likely to be received if it comes from someone who has made the effort to understand their perspective and validate their feelings.”
Related:
Parents Who Aren’t Close With Their Adult Kids Often Have These 12 Traits, Psychologists Say
Common Signs You’re Being Overbearing With Adult Children
It can be challenging to adjust to your new role as a parent of an adult child. It’s essential to recognize the signs that you’re being overbearing with your adult children, not to shame yourself, but so you can step back and maintain a close relationship with your family.
Kivett reports that common signs parents are being too overbearing with adult children include:
- Micromanaging decisions
- Giving unsolicited advice
- Demanding constant contact
“These types of overbearing behaviors can undermine their development,” he explains. “True confidence is built when young adults face challenges with support, but not excessive intervention.”
Instead, he suggests striving to use the tips he provided above, including clear communication, curiosity, openness and developing your life outside of parenthood.
“This balanced approach nurtures independence and keeps the relationship strong,” he adds.
Up Next:
Related: 10 Phrases To Avoid With Your Adult Kids To Transform Your Relationship, According to Psychologists
Source:
-
Joseph Kivett
, a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner with
Mindpath Health
